My Geriatric Vagina

I’m thirty four and a third
and I am told,
that if I want to have a child
I have to do so soon because
after thirty five
pregnancy is not a normal pregnancy
but a geriatric pregnancy
I expect that in eight months
my vagina will shrivel
and become an old lady
separated from the rest of my body
by a slice of grey
it will start to knit
and bake scones
it will call younger people
and offer unsolicited life advice
and start shouting at cheese

my vagina will need its own
distress button
in case it has a fall
because it’s been moved into a
care facility and forgotten about
because who cares about old people
let alone a geriatric vagina